[My ghosting story] isn’t a dating kinda thing. It was a girl I’d been friends with for 5+ years.
I had a friend, we’ll call her Jane, who I met when we were 13 and knew throughout high school as we were in orchestras and classes together. She came from wealth and was very popular but I’d say more people considered her a friend than she considered friends. She was sort of a fair weather friend, and people were very out of sight, out of mind for her.
After high school we didn’t talk for a year, but after my first year of school I reached out and reconnected with the friends from high school I still valued and wanted to incorporate into my life. This included Jane and another friend, we’ll call her Sue. Sue and I reconnected and stayed super close over the last four years since all this happened and if I were to get married tomorrow she’d be my maid of honor.
Jane and I reconnected and I moved out to California for an internship near where she was in school and we seemed close again. Sue, Jane and I hung out regularly and one Christmas a whole gang of us got together at Jane’s family’s farm and had an absolute blast.
A month later I realized Jane and I hadn’t talked in a couple weeks so I texted her and got no response. I called and discovered she’d changed her number. She’d unfriended Sue and me on Facebook. The last time we’d seen each other we’d all hugged, exchanged gifts, and repeated how much we’d miss each other as we left to go back to our respective schools. There had been no fights, no sarcasm, nothing to indicate anything was wrong. She just totally removed herself from our lives.
I’ve had guys just stop responding as we start to get to know each other and things like that, but Jane just totally vanished from our lives after being in it for years. It was the most ghost-like experience with ghosting I could imagine.
As a woman (who dates women) from a generation where we actually learned the fine art of the breakup, I was disgusted to learn about “ghosting” and the “slow fade” well before it ever happened to me personally.
Yet, over time I’ve come to accept it as something that is here to stay. On the surface it seems rude, but what is the alternative? Ask for second date and get excuses back why she’s really busy? Or even worse, get a cold reply with specific reasons why she thought you were an awful date?
I try to rise above doing the ghosting to others, but when I get ghosted, I know it just simply means that “she’s not that into me” and that’s okay. It frees me up to chase someone else until I meet someone who picks up their phone frequently in anticipation of my message and is delighted when she gets one.
We always call them poofers. I know not why people do this. The last one I had, probably 2014, kept saying he really wanted to meet me. (Match.com) We finally set a date and just before, poof, he sent an email saying it wasn’t a good time in his life… He was questionable from the get go.
Another one I connected with on millionaire.match. He was a retired Raytheon exec. We emailed, chatted via phone, he suffered a ski injury, we chatted more, connected on LinkedIn, talked about meeting for lunch then poof!
I live in SLC and was in my late fifties when the above transpired. I dated lots of retired men from Park City and poofers all!
I spent most of ten years single online dating. Finally at 60, I met my partner and we are getting married this year. We give hope to our single friends.