Fair Weather Friend

[My ghosting story] isn’t a dating kinda thing. It was a girl I’d been friends with for 5+ years.

I had a friend, we’ll call her Jane, who I met when we were 13 and knew throughout high school as we were in orchestras and classes together. She came from wealth and was very popular but I’d say more people considered her a friend than she considered friends. She was sort of a fair weather friend, and people were very out of sight, out of mind for her.

After high school we didn’t talk for a year, but after my first year of school I reached out and reconnected with the friends from high school I still valued and wanted to incorporate into my life. This included Jane and another friend, we’ll call her Sue. Sue and I reconnected and stayed super close over the last four years since all this happened and if I were to get married tomorrow she’d be my maid of honor.

Jane and I reconnected and I moved out to California for an internship near where she was in school and we seemed close again. Sue, Jane and I hung out regularly and one Christmas a whole gang of us got together at Jane’s family’s farm and had an absolute blast.

A month later I realized Jane and I hadn’t talked in a couple weeks so I texted her and got no response. I called and discovered she’d changed her number. She’d unfriended Sue and me on Facebook. The last time we’d seen each other we’d all hugged, exchanged gifts, and repeated how much we’d miss each other as we left to go back to our respective schools.  There had been no fights, no sarcasm, nothing to indicate anything was wrong. She just totally removed herself from our lives.

I’ve had guys just stop responding as we start to get to know each other and things like that, but Jane just totally vanished from our lives after being in it for years. It was the most ghost-like experience with ghosting I could imagine. 

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The Polite Thing.

I was ghosted once. We had already slept together, he would send me photos of the new shirt he bought for work. I’d send him photos of beautiful sunsets from my bike ride home. We’d hung out several times but he was slow to make a move. Maybe he wasn’t totally attracted to me. Maybe he didn’t have the heart to end things and deal with confrontation.

I’d ask of weekend plans and he’d skirt the issue by saying he would be in the wood shop. I’d offer my availability but the concreteness of our plans became more and more abstract. Eventually, I just stopped hearing from him. I distracted myself with other dates but eventually decided that I deserve better. I deserve a response from him, or I deserve some type of closure.

So I wrote him a message, too long for texting so I sent it on OKC simply asking for a goodbye. That’s all I wanted. It seemed like the polite thing for him to do.

Within 10 minutes I received a text from him, apologizing. Claiming that his past relationship left him acting like a 7th grader and that clearly he had more growing to do. He offered friendship. I declined and simply moved on.

Sent from my iPhone

[Update]: We here at ‘On Ghosting’ love hearing about ghostees finding the strength to move forward and wanted to share that the writer of this submission was married on Saturday August 6th, 2016 (one day before we originally shared her story)!).  She says that after A LOT of online dating, each failed attempt at love helped give her clarity around who she is and the type of person she wanted to be with. Congrats!