Fair Weather Friend

[My ghosting story] isn’t a dating kinda thing. It was a girl I’d been friends with for 5+ years.

I had a friend, we’ll call her Jane, who I met when we were 13 and knew throughout high school as we were in orchestras and classes together. She came from wealth and was very popular but I’d say more people considered her a friend than she considered friends. She was sort of a fair weather friend, and people were very out of sight, out of mind for her.

After high school we didn’t talk for a year, but after my first year of school I reached out and reconnected with the friends from high school I still valued and wanted to incorporate into my life. This included Jane and another friend, we’ll call her Sue. Sue and I reconnected and stayed super close over the last four years since all this happened and if I were to get married tomorrow she’d be my maid of honor.

Jane and I reconnected and I moved out to California for an internship near where she was in school and we seemed close again. Sue, Jane and I hung out regularly and one Christmas a whole gang of us got together at Jane’s family’s farm and had an absolute blast.

A month later I realized Jane and I hadn’t talked in a couple weeks so I texted her and got no response. I called and discovered she’d changed her number. She’d unfriended Sue and me on Facebook. The last time we’d seen each other we’d all hugged, exchanged gifts, and repeated how much we’d miss each other as we left to go back to our respective schools.  There had been no fights, no sarcasm, nothing to indicate anything was wrong. She just totally removed herself from our lives.

I’ve had guys just stop responding as we start to get to know each other and things like that, but Jane just totally vanished from our lives after being in it for years. It was the most ghost-like experience with ghosting I could imagine. 

All’s Well

I confess that I have ghosted a guy I dated. Why? We met to have ‘the talk’. He told me he wanted nothing ‘serious’, and would prefer if I only ‘visited’ and left in the morning.

I never wanted anything like that, and I told him that when we first met. However, I guess he had his fun and only wanted to keep me on his speed dial list. Anyway, I didn’t want to do it, but I felt it was better than a long conversation about how he hurt me and why we should never see one another again, and an awkward goodbye.

My heart was broken. I haven’t dated anyone since. Its been almost 5 years. In that time I’ve changed my life, focused less on romance and more on my career and helping others. Although I have seen him since. The feelings I felt for him when we first met sadly still remain, so although I always suggest when we communicate that we “should hang out sometimes”, I don’t really mean it. People treat one another like they are disposable nowadays. It is an unfortunate reality. I wish people were more responsible with one another and realized the gravity of their actions.

In any case, all’s well that ends well. I am now in law school, focusing on human rights, and trying to mend what’s broken within the framework of the law. Sometimes I ghost people who treat me badly, but I endeavour to treat those who care for me, with love and respect. I stay in touch with people i’ve met across the world, who I don’t have a hope of meeting again. However, our connection remains strong.

Here to Stay

As a woman (who dates women) from a generation where we actually learned the fine art of the breakup, I was disgusted to learn about “ghosting” and the “slow fade” well before it ever happened to me personally.

Yet, over time I’ve come to accept it as something that is here to stay. On the surface it seems rude, but what is the alternative? Ask for second date and get excuses back why she’s really busy? Or even worse, get a cold reply with specific reasons why she thought you were an awful date?

I try to rise above doing the ghosting to others, but when I get ghosted, I know it just simply means that “she’s not that into me” and that’s okay. It frees me up to chase someone else until I meet someone who picks up their phone frequently in anticipation of my message and is delighted when she gets one.

When ‘Ghosting’ Hurts

Ghosting sucks.
I was seeing this guy who I was beginning to think could become something more, especially after “dating” for close to 5 months.
We texted daily, phone calls almost every night, good morning messages, good night as well. First and last person I spoke to to start and finish my day.
We were texting one night, where he told me how perfect I was. The next day, after a long day, I texted him and never received a message back, I found this very weird. Called him the next day, he wouldn’t pick up.
Gave him a few days to maybe “cool off” from whatever was going on and called him again, voicemail once again.
After days of trying I finally got him to pick up the phone to be told that he was busy and would get back to me later.
Later never came. I just gave up. No sense going after someone who was clearly done with me. It hurt. 
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